Are memorial services necessary after a funeral in Urawa, such as the 49th-day or first-anniversary services? Foreigners want to know about the meaning and options of memorial services.

After seeing off a family member in Urawa, many foreigners and their families are unsure whether they should hold memorial services on the 49th day or the first anniversary, or to what extent they should participate in Japanese Buddhist ceremonies. This is because, after the hectic funeral and cremation process, they have many things to consider, such as contacting relatives, coordinating with work or school, and explaining the situation to family members back home.

First and foremost, it's important to understand that the 49th day and first anniversary of death are not legal procedures, but rather milestones often observed to remember the deceased and to give those left behind time to come to terms with their grief. What is done, who is invited, and whether a religious figure is asked to perform the service will vary depending on the beliefs of the deceased and their family, the wishes of the deceased, and the relationship with relatives. There is no need to rush into making decisions based solely on societal customs.

What is the purpose of a memorial service?

In Japan, some families hold memorial services after a funeral as a form of remembrance based on Buddhist beliefs. A common practice involves requesting a Buddhist priest to chant sutras, offering incense, and gathering with relatives to remember the deceased. However, not everyone chooses this format. Some people are non-religious, others cherish other religions, and some prefer to spend time quietly with only their immediate family.

There is no need to define the meaning of a memorial service in a single way. It can be seen as a time to express gratitude to the deceased, an opportunity for relatives living far away to share updates, or a place to support grieving family members. If you have foreign family members, it will be reassuring to explain to each other what is important to Japanese relatives and the forms of remembrance that are valued by families in their home countries.

The significance of the 49th day and the first anniversary of death

The 49th day is the first major milestone after the funeral.

In Buddhist custom, a memorial service is sometimes held around 49 days after death, marking a significant milestone. The date may be adjusted to a day convenient for relatives to gather, but the counting method and procedures vary depending on the sect, temple, and individual family's beliefs. If you are concerned about the exact date, it is best to check with the temple or religious figure you are considering.

Some families consider interment at the 49th day after death. However, the timing and location of interment depend on factors such as the procedures for the cemetery or columbarium, the convenience of relatives, and the possibility of taking the remains overseas. It is natural that a decision cannot be made immediately after cremation. Please confirm the details, including storage methods and future plans, with the relevant facilities and your family.

The first anniversary of a death is an opportunity to reflect on the past year and remember the deceased.

The first anniversary of death is generally a memorial service held around one year after a death. Similar to the 49th-day memorial service, some families choose a Buddhist-style service, while others offer prayers at the grave or at home, share a meal around a photograph, or reminisce online with family members who live far away.

What's important isn't the scale of the event, but choosing a way for participants to remember the deceased without feeling burdened. Even if there's a time difference between relatives living in Japan and those overseas, not everyone has to gather at the same time. They can each have a moment of prayer or silence in their respective locations and then share photos and messages later.

Checklist before deciding whether or not to proceed

Even after holding a family funeral in areas such as Urawa Ward, Minami Ward, and Midori Ward of Saitama City, the wishes for memorial services vary from family to family. If you feel confused when relatives say, "Next is the 49th day," writing down the following points beforehand will make the discussion easier.

• What were the deceased's important religious beliefs, faiths, or methods of mourning?
• Who should I inform, and who should I consult with, both in Japan and overseas?
• Are there people who would like a ritual performed by a religious figure such as a Buddhist monk?
• Where are you planning to spend the time? At home, in a cemetery, in a columbarium, at a restaurant, etc.
• Is it necessary to confirm in the future whether cremated remains should be interred or taken overseas?
• How should explanations and interpretations be handled to avoid misunderstandings due to differences in language?
• How much time can be allocated to preparation, and to what extent will it place a physical and mental burden on the family?

Instead of choosing between "do" or "don't," there are other options such as holding a smaller-scale memorial service, rescheduling it, or having separate events for each family member. In particular, choosing a family funeral does not necessarily mean that subsequent memorial services must be small. On the contrary, even if many people attend the funeral, memorial services may be held only with close relatives.

To proceed while respecting differences in religion and culture

Nationality alone cannot determine religion or customs. Even among people from the same country, their wishes differ depending on their faith, family beliefs, and relationship with the deceased. If you do not wish to follow Japanese Buddhist rituals, carefully communicating your wishes to your relatives may allow you to explore alternative ways of commemorating the deceased together.

For example, placing flowers in front of a photograph of the deceased, taking time to share memories, quietly listening to the deceased's favorite music, or offering a brief prayer at the grave or burial site are some ways to remember the deceased without inviting a religious figure. On the other hand, if there are relatives who wish to have a Buddhist memorial service, asking the temple or religious figure in advance about chanting, incense burning, attire, and offerings will help those who are unfamiliar with the customs to have a clearer understanding of what to expect.

When there are family members with different faiths, it is helpful to allow them to choose how they participate rather than requiring everyone to perform the same actions. Allowing them to choose to simply observe, observe a moment of silence, or pray individually at a later date makes it easier to balance respect for the deceased with the beliefs of each participant.

The order in which to proceed with preparations calmly

1. First, the family should confirm the deceased's wishes, will, and any existing plans for burial or interment.
2. Next, inform close relatives, including those overseas, that you are planning a memorial service and give them a deadline to ask for their preferences.
3. If you are considering requesting the services of a religious figure, you should directly confirm the desired content, dates, venue, and necessary preparations.
4. If you plan to use a venue, please check with the facility regarding usage conditions, facilities, whether outside items are allowed, and the schedule for the day.
5. We will decide who will be participating and how they will be able to join, and prepare a short explanation that can be understood by people who speak different languages.

Facility usage conditions, religious rites, and the availability of individual interpretation services vary depending on the desired location and service provider. When consulting with us, please be frank about what is important to your family, the languages of those who will be attending, and anything that is still undecided. We can then organize the necessary details and plan a comfortable and manageable approach.

Choosing not to hold a memorial service is also a way of showing respect for the deceased.

Choosing not to hold a 49th-day or first-anniversary memorial service, or to postpone making such a decision, does not diminish your feelings for the deceased. Large gatherings may be difficult due to work or residency arrangements, the need for family members to travel from afar, the depth of grief, and other life circumstances, including financial constraints. Please choose a form that is comfortable for your family, rather than making a decision based solely on comparison or a sense of obligation.

Even after the funeral and cremation in Urawa, your feelings and circumstances will gradually change. You can now remember quietly and consider holding a first anniversary memorial service at a later date. When you are unsure, instead of rushing to an answer, try putting into words who you want to remember the deceased for and how you want to remember them. That dialogue itself will be a valuable time that will support your family going forward.