When you want to refrain from offering incense at a funeral in Saitama City | How to attend while respecting your own faith

While many people wish to attend a funeral, some may feel hesitant about offering incense due to their own beliefs or religious convictions. It's natural to worry about whether acting differently from others might be disrespectful, or how the bereaved family might perceive it.

Even at funerals held in Saitama City, attendees have diverse beliefs and backgrounds. What's important is to respect both your feelings of mourning for the deceased and your concern for the bereaved family, and your own cherished beliefs, in a way that feels comfortable. Even if you refrain from offering incense, a simple word beforehand and calm demeanor will suffice to convey your feelings.

Refraining from offering incense does not mean declining to attend the funeral.

In Japanese funerals, offering incense is often considered an important act of showing prayer and condolences to the deceased. However, not all attendees can practice the same religious customs. If it is difficult to offer incense for religious reasons, choosing not to do so does not negate one's respect for the deceased.

For example, when it's your turn to offer incense, you could approach the altar, bow your head quietly without touching the incense, or observe a moment of silence. However, the appropriate way to show respect will vary depending on the flow of the event and the wishes of the bereaved family. It's best to consult with them in advance rather than making decisions on your own.

The purpose of attending a funeral is not simply to perform prescribed rituals in the same way. It is also important to confront the loss of the deceased and to express your condolences to the bereaved family. Rather than forcing yourself to do something that goes against your faith, consider how you can respectfully express your condolences within your own capabilities.

First, who should I tell, and when?

The first people you should contact are the bereaved family who sent you the invitation and other family members you've been communicating with. Depending on your relationship, you may also have the family inform the person in charge of the funeral. In the case of a family funeral, the number of attendees is limited and the atmosphere of the ceremony tends to be more intimate, so sharing information in advance is especially helpful.

The best time to inform them is when you respond to your invitation to attend, or when you contact them to ask about something you'd like to confirm before attending. Even if it's at the last minute, it's sufficient to quietly mention it to the receptionist or guide. There's no need to explain detailed doctrines or personal circumstances.

"For religious reasons, I will refrain from offering incense, but I would like to remember the deceased and say my goodbyes."

By concisely communicating what you wish to refrain from doing and your desire to attend, the other party will be more likely to understand the situation. Having your words prepared in advance will allow you to speak calmly even when you are feeling rushed. If the other party suggests an alternative, confirm what you can do on the spot.

Preparation to avoid getting lost on the day

The format of a funeral, the flow of people in the venue, and the order of offering incense are not uniform. The procedure will vary depending on whether there is an incense offering during the wake or funeral service, whether it is done individually, or whether everyone is guided to do it at once. If possible, it's best to ask in advance, "How should I offer incense?" to be on the safe side.

• Check if the incense offering ceremony is scheduled.
• I asked if it would be alright to not touch the incense and instead bow or observe a moment of silence before the altar.
• Share with the guide what to do when it's your turn.
• If you are feeling very anxious, try to arrive at the venue before the ceremony begins.
• Prepare a short message of condolence for the bereaved family.

On the day of the funeral, it's important not to rush and try to keep up with the others. If there is a guide, please follow their instructions. If you feel it is difficult to even approach the altar, you may be able to discuss alternative arrangements, such as praying quietly from your seat or offering your condolences to the bereaved family before or after the ceremony. Whether or not these arrangements are possible depends on the circumstances of the ceremony, so be sure to check individually.

Thoughtful ways to express condolences other than by offering incense.

You might worry that refraining from offering incense will make it seem like you did nothing. However, attending the ceremony with a calm demeanor and showing consideration for the bereaved family is itself an important way to express your condolences. You can choose to do what is appropriate for your faith, such as offering a greeting at the reception, observing a moment of silence, or offering a brief word of condolence to the bereaved family.

Regarding attire and belongings, it's essential to check the invitation and the wishes of the bereaved family. If you're unsure about unfamiliar customs, don't make assumptions without knowing; instead, organize your questions and ask them one by one. For the bereaved family, who will be welcoming attendees from different religions and cultures, knowing the circumstances in advance will make it easier to plan the invitations for the day.

Furthermore, you may have doubts regarding condolence money, floral tributes, etc., for religious or cultural reasons. Refraining from offering incense is not necessarily the same as choosing other ways to express condolences. What the bereaved family plans to accept and decline depends on their wishes, so please check the information provided and, if you are unsure, consult with them to the extent that it is reasonable.

Confirm considerations during family funerals and cremations.

In a family funeral, the number of people attending to say goodbye to the deceased is often smaller than in a traditional funeral. Therefore, sharing information about the attendees' circumstances in advance helps everyone feel more at ease on the day. On the other hand, even within the category of a family funeral, the content of the service and the scope of attendance can vary. Always follow the individual instructions regarding whether or not to offer incense and when to attend.

Whether or not you accompany the crematorium, and what happens during the waiting time before and after the cremation, will vary depending on the funeral arrangements. While Saitama City has Omiya Seien as a crematorium, attendees cannot uniformly decide which location to use or what the day's events will entail. Even if you receive an invitation to attend the cremation, if there are any actions you wish to avoid for religious reasons, it is advisable to check with the bereaved family or the person giving the invitation beforehand.

When traveling from Ageo City or Kawagoe City to a funeral in Saitama City, you may be concerned about travel time and arrival time at the venue. Preparing to arrive early and allowing time to communicate any necessary arrangements at the reception will prevent you from rushing just before the ceremony. Even when attending a funeral across different regions, the basic principle is to check the information provided and act with respect for the deceased and their family.

To reconcile your personal faith with your feelings of remembrance for the deceased.

In unfamiliar funeral settings, it's easy to feel pressured to conform to those around you. However, calmly explaining your religious reasons and choosing alternative ways to show respect is a sincere way to attend while avoiding any offense. Asking questions about things you're unsure of is also a thoughtful gesture that shows you care deeply for the deceased and their family.

Seikatsu Funeral Service Center provides guidance on respecting religious and cultural considerations. If you are unsure about how to inform attendees or how to proceed with the ceremony when preparing for a funeral, it is important to organize your individual circumstances and consult with us. The services and conditions that can be accommodated will vary depending on the situation, so please communicate your wishes as early as possible to confirm.

Even if you choose not to offer incense, your feelings for the deceased remain unchanged. Let's find a way to say goodbye with sincerity while respecting your own faith.